The inquest into the death of the late Humpty Dumpty, mayor of Nursery Rhyme town and pawnbroker, was held yesterday in the Great Hall of Nursery Rhyme castle.  The verdict returned was “Death by Misadventure”.  Mr Dumpty, it was decided, fell from the wall of the roof garden of Nursery Rhyme Castle, while under the influence of alcohol and drugs.  But upon leaving the hall I detected a strong sense of dissatisfaction among the gathered public.

HEAD MISTRESS GIVES EVIDENCE
After taking the jury to see the second floor roof garden to view the spot from where Humpty allegedly fell, the coroner, Tommy Tucker, called the first witness.  This was the Head Mistress of Nursery Rhyme Town’s “Boot” school for problem children, known to all as “the old woman who lives in a shoe”.  She stated that just after dawn on Friday 17th of November she passed Nursery Rhyme castle on her way to the railway station to attend a long weekend education conference.  At the foot of the castle wall she discovered the body of Humpty Dumpty, bloody, bruised and clearly dead. 

WOUND OF “A CURIOUS SHAPE"
Dr Bell, Police Medical Officer, followed her into the box.  He declared that upon examining Humpty’s body he had discovered a heavy wound to Humpty’s head “of a curious shape”.  After much evasion and parrying of the question, he finally agreed that this might have been caused by a fall from the wall.  He also declared that an analysis of Humpty’s blood revealed that Humpty had taken a significant dose of morphia before his death.

GAMBLING PARTIES
Ol’ “King” Cole, the former professional gambler who now owns Nursery Rhyme Castle, was the next witness.  He explained that on Thursday nights he regularly holds gambling parties at the Castle, and Humpty was a frequent attendee.  On the night of Humpty’s death, Cole, Humpty and Georgie Porgie all gathered at the castle at nine o’clock to play poker.  However after a few hands, Old MacDonald, a local farmer, arrived at the castle and angrily demanded to see Humpty.  The pair went up to the roof garden.  Unfortunately soon after this, Cole unaccountably fell asleep and when he woke up, everyone had gone home.

“MYSTERIOUS SLEEP”
Georgie Porgie verified this statement.  He agreed that he had attended the poker party and that Humpty had been called out of it by Old MacDonald.  They went up to the roof garden where “we could hear them arguing very violently”.  However, like Ol’ “King” Cole, Georgie also mysteriously fell asleep.  When he woke, the castle was quiet apart from Cole, who was snoring opposite him.  Georgie then left the castle.

MOTHER AND SON IN COURT
Old Mother Hubbard, mother of Georgie Porgie, followed her son into the witness box.  She revealed to the inquest how she was employed every Thursday night at the castle to serve drinks and refreshments to the assembled gamblers.  However she was able to offer little further help except to say that, apart from Georgie, Humpty and MacDonald, nobody else had been admitted to the castle on the night of the accident.

“ALIVE AND FUMING”
The final witness was Old MacDonald, ex-mayor of Nursery Rhyme town. He admitted visiting the castle unexpectedly and calling Humpty out of the poker game.  He and Humpty had a “vigorous and frank” political discussion on the roof garden.  Admitting the interview ended with harsh words and red faces, MacDonald declared he stormed out of the castle leaving Humpty  “very much alive and fuming” on the roof garden.

CURSED SPOT
The spot where Humpty’s body was found is no stranger to mystery.  Only a short time ago the unconscious body of the young and beautiful Polly Flinders was found at the same site. Polly, a former pupil at the Old Woman who lives in a shoe’s school, was found at the foot of the wall, bruised, battered and with her clothes ripped to shreds.  Unfortunately she has suffered a complete loss of memory and cannot recall how she came to be in such a condition.  She is currently being looked after at Ee Aye Oh Farm where Old MacDonald’s elegant new wife, Mary, Mary Quite Contrary, is helping nurse her.  Polly and Mary were both in the Great Hall listening to the evidence.  Also paying close attention was another of the Old Woman’s pupils, the teenage tearaway Tom, Tom the Piper’s son. Tom, who recently escaped a charge of pig stealing, was given a last chance to make good at the Old Woman’s school.  It appears to be working as he sat listening to the evidence soberly and intelligently, a complete contrast to the young thug he is reputed to be.

NOT HEARD THE LAST?
The jury concluded that, as no one had seen Humpty alive after the time Old MacDonald left him on the roof garden, Humpty, probably under the influence of alcohol, morphia and temper, must have accidentally fallen over the roof garden wall to his death.  The coroner, Tommy Tucker, summed up accordingly.  However upon pronouncing the verdict, a rustle of discontent and dissatisfaction filled the Great Hall, and I even sensed Tommy Tucker did not seem entirely happy with the verdict.  It is this writer’s belief that Nursery Rhyme Town has not yet heard the last of Humpty Dumpty’s mysterious death…